In the struggle

Jesus, there is a struggle in me.  Light is taking its place and darkness is calling, “come back to me”.

Light is simply saying, “darkness is not a part of you.”  While darkness cries, “come back. Come back into my shadows”.

I say:

I am a child of God

I am justified

I am a chosen friend of Jesus Christ

I am hidden with Christ in God

I am united with God and His light is in me

I am part of the body of Christ

I am a saint

I have been adopted as God’s child

I have access to God through the Holy Spirit

and I can cry out for more light in me

I am redeemed and forgiven

I am complete

Not always mature

But I am complete.

Father I need help. I need help so that your light sticks to me. I need help eating it. I need help finding joy. I need help finding your light in side of me. I need help.  Release the unreleased gifts and blessings from one hundred generations of those who believed.

I am complete in Christ.

Col 2:10 And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power: (KJV)

and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority. (NIV)

10 And it is in union with him that you have been made full - he is the head of every rule and authority.(CJB)

“The greatest tension in the New Testament is between the indicative (what God has already done and what is already true about us), and the imperative (what remains to be done as we respond to God by faith and obedience in the power of the Holy Spirit).  You have to know and believe positional truth to successfully progress in your sanctification or you are going to try doing for yourself what God has already done for you.

The balance between the indicative and the imperative is about equal in Scripture, but I have not observed that in our churches. Most preaching I have heard focuses on the imperatives.” Neil T. Anderson ,Victory over the Darkness p 84.

No one on the imperative side would say, your are made full. You are complete. The entire focus of the imperative is about the great distance which remains between now and some future date.

I have been made complete.

I have been made full.

I have been given fullness in Christ.

How does this work?  It seems all I see is incompleteness and standards for perfection I cannot fulfill.

To be complete – is to finish, full, acceptable, reformed.

I have been rushing in ………..

The opposite of complete is

Broken

Worthless

Without potential

Sinner

Judgment

Complete and full of his fullness.

Filled with God

One in Spirit with God

Friend

Forgiven

A child is complete when it is born.

It is a child, not fully grown, but complete.

It is not wise yet complete.

It is not mature yet complete.

It does not function as young child yet it is complete. 

It does not know language yet it is complete

It does not know the culture of the family or land

It is a child, complete.

And so I am a child of God, complete.

PS:  There is a tension here.  God says I am blessed and have been made complete.  Yet I only know how to live by my old life. This new whole, complete and full life has no footing in my history.  Everything I do in this new life is a total surprise to me.  It has more surprises than met expectations.

Jesus let every word of every prayer and intercession you prayed for me be released.  Every unfulfilled gift, provision and creativity, every blessing, property and invention be released to me and my house.

I have access to God thru the Holy Spirit

Eph 2:17-18   He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.

In one spirit, in the Holy Spirit the seal of my salvation

The source of conviction

The one who helps me pray

The one who groans out things which have no words

The one who teaches me

The one who leads me

The one who gives me gifts from the Father

The one who is showing me Jesus

The one who is moving Jesus in me, through me and around me

The one who brings hope

This one Spirit gives me access to the Father

The one who spent enormous amounts of creativity, contemplation, planning and energy, to create the planets, stars and earth for man.

The one who walked with Adam in the garden.

I have access to the Father.

Jesus said, “Ask.”

Paul said, “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Heb 4:16

I have access to the Father and I can come in my time of need.  I can come to find mercy and grace. I can come to find blessing and encouragement.

I have access to the Father. It does not depend on how clean I am. It does not depend on how secure I am. I does not depend on how perfect, righteous or law abiding I am.

I have access to the Father, today, just as I am.

I have been adopted as God’s child.

Eph 1:4-6  In the Messiah he chose us in love before the creation of the universe to be holy and without defect in his presence. He determined in advance that through the Messiah we would be his sons-in keeping with his good pleasure so that we would bring him praise commensurate with the glory of the grace he gave us through the beloved one.

I started to tell God, “you chose poorly”.

No son, I chose wisely and I chose you in love. For in you I have planted myself. I am not new to the struggles between flesh and spirit. I am not new to the lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh and pride of life. I chose you to be my witness. I chose you to communicate my life and love in a unique way. I chose you to give a perspective of grace unique to your generation.

I chose you to be prophet, teacher, apostle, saint, son and more that you can now bear.

Keep working, keep seeking, keep walking. The journey is not long before its value becomes visible.

I chose wisely my son. I chose you. I gave you gifts which will and have given me glory.

I am separating you from you. You are flesh and you are spirit. You are new and you have history. You are blessed and you walk with the results of sin on your back. You are born of my kingdom and you live in the world. You are a man and a saint and these two will war with each other every day.

I am a saint

Eph 1:1 To the saints in Ephesus, the faithful in Christ Jesus.

Definition - Saint: the collective body of those who are righteous in God's sight.

I am a saint

Yes, I am righteous and being made holy

When I walk in the flesh I am still a saint

I will fall and be accused

I am forgiven

I have wallowed in guilt and shame. Yet I am a saint.

I have accepted the lie that sainthood must be attained.

It is a lie. For God has already made me a saint in Christ.  That work is already done.

God made me a saint. He calls me to be faithful.

Father, I belong to you. I am tired and ready to rest. I cannot sweat out the enemy of my soul, nor vanquish his strongholds and lies. Yet I will write them down.

Father, remove his strongholds. Remove his lies.

Around me the world says I am not holy. I am not a saint. It says I am slime, condemned and judged. It says again and again, look in the mirror of holiness and see yourself.

Yet I must choose again and again to look in the mirror and see Jesus’ love, Jesus’ blood, Jesus’ unfinished prayers for me, Jesus words and promises.

Jesus calls me holy. Jesus calls me a saint for the simple reason I have surrendered to Him.

I live daily with the fear I will be disqualified.  It comes true again and again. Disqualified for this job, I can’t get the interview. Disqualified for that job, the interview is all I got. Again I am disqualified for this relationship, friendship and marriage.  While I might be disqualified as a husband and father yet I am a father.  This is a matter of DNA.

While the world will tell me again and again I am disqualified and an unqualified representative of Jesus. I am a saint; it is a matter of His Blood.

I was bought with a price

1 Cor 6:18-20 “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

I was bought with a price.

The price was the blood of Jesus. Yet while I walked in the flesh, I continued to live in the flesh.  I yielded to every temptation. I was choked on every accusation.  Everyone was true.

It was not enough for me to know the pages of scripture.

I need to know, I belong to God. I belong to God.  Others around me Belong to God.

I have met a few people whose lives impressed me that they belonged to God. A few who I could recognize were walking in the spirit.

However, I fumbled around in the dark.  Deceived by satan’s lies, believing that he still owned me.  That my flesh owned me and I could not change that status.

I was trying to do for myself what God had already done for me.

He purchased me. He bought me. I belong to God.

Repeating the truth:

I am a child of God.

I am Jesus’ chosen friend.

I am holy and acceptable by God (justified).

I am united to the Lord and am one in spirit with Him.

I have been bought with a price, I belong to God.

Yes, repeating these truths daily is changing the way I think.  When I want to yield to the flesh, I sometimes begin repeating:  I am a child of God. I am Jesus chosen friend. I am justified. I am united to the Lord and am one spirit with Him. I have been bought with a price.

This is beginning to change the way I see me.

I am united with Christ in one spirit

1 Cor 6:17  “whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.”

But wait the context of this verse is:

1 Cor 6:15-17 “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.”

The picture is unity, being one. The contrast is being united with the Lord or being united with a prostitute.

But my question is, “How does with work? What do I do to be united with the Lord?”  I want to be united, but how.  What do I do to be united with the Lord today? What do I do tomorrow?  How to do I stay in harmony?

I first heard Jesus, as the Holy Spirit move in me and convict me that God was there.  I don’t remember being convicted of sin that first time. I remember being convicted that God was there with overwhelming love.  I was eight.

I have been united with the Lord in worship.  How do I get there again and again?

Is this different when Jesus is my friend?  Is the foundation deeper too?

It seems so far away yet

            My life is hidden with Christ in God  (Col 3:3)

            My life is hidden with Christ in God

            My life is hidden with Christ in God

I have been told my sin makes me and keeps me unworthy of God.  I have been told my sin proves that I am a child of the flesh, a child of the world and a child of satan.

            My life is hidden with Christ in God

I have heard that I am wretched and God is far away.  I have heard that God does not listen to the prayers of sinners.  That He has turned His back on the world.  I have heard that God has turned His back on me.

            My life is hidden with Christ in God

and all my sin is covered with Jesus blood

            My life is hidden with Christ in God

and I can not be closer, I am in God

            My life is hidden with Christ in God

and God not only listens to my prayers, He invites me to come to Him with every need.

            My life is hidden with Christ in God

and He has turned His back on my sin, taking it as far away from me as the east is from the west

            My life is hidden with Christ in God

God has turned His face to me

Asked me to come boldly before Him

Promised never to leave, abandon or forsake me

God has promised to teach me and lead me into all wisdom

            My life is hidden with Christ in God

Help me get this. I want to understand when my life is being run by the flesh and when it is being run by the spirit.

I am united with the Lord in one spirit.  Help me get this.

I have been justified.

Rm 5: 1 “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.

….

 9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! 10 For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11 Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”

I have been justified with God. All accounts are settled.  All my sin is cancelled.  Not just all my past sin but all my future sin.  My entire life is justified.  Jesus performed the negotiation process for me before I was born.  When I was twelve I accepted the price he paid for my life.

Yet most of my life, the heavy weight of others expectations, my negative outlook and accusations made me feel like I was not justified.  But I was justified and I am justified.

I did not hold up these expectations and accusations and measure them against the truth we just read.  The result is simple. God did not condemn me because I had been vindicated. Yet I yielded self accusation and self hatred under the weight of shame.

I was guilty of many things but I was not able to hold up my pardon.  Instead I accepted the weight of charges.  Charges already paid for.  And I tried to change my life, repay the debt and satisfy the disappointment of God.

My mind is still spinning because I have not held on to the truth but accepted the lie.

“You have to know and believe positional truth to successfully progress in your sanctification or you are going to try doing for yourself what God has already done for you.” Neil T. Anderson, Victory over the Darkness, Regal Books, 2000, P 84.

This was me. This is me.

Positional truth: I am justified.

  I am reconciled with God.

  All accounts for my sin, rebellion, intentional choices and foolishness are settled. 

They are settled for yesterday.

They are settled for today.

They are settled for tomorrow.

They are settled.

How does this work.  Is it like the gift of a car, all gas, repairs and insurance paid into the future? 

It is better.  But how do I understand it?

I have peace with God through Jesus Christ. 

God is not angry with me.

He is not trying to over through my life by war or violence.

He has established a treaty that resolves all offenses

and He has promised to provide for me and bless me

as I follow Him.

I am still trying to grasp it.  I am still trying to hold on to it.  Knowing and believing is harder than hearing. 

Even as I write I am hearing it again.

  I am justified.

I can say I know

  I am justified

I have some measure of confidence now

  that I am justified

But, what about tomorrow?

I will need to repeat these words

  I am justified

And reconsider them again and again so that my confidence will grow.

Why write?

So why am I writing this blog?

When I first encounter the “Who I am in Christ” list on this bookmark, I felt challenged. I was challenged by my friend Keith to read it out loud twice every day.  But I felt more deeply challenged. 

I read the “I am accepted” list twice a day.  Then every day I had a devotion, I used the next item on the card as my focus for the day.  I looked up the whole verse and began writing in my journal.  The “I am” section of this blog is coming form those pages of my life.

What I am discovering is, I am a church going David yet I have arguments and pretenses in my life. Argument and pretenses have set themselves up against me truly knowing God.  These arguments and pretenses have laid hold of my mind and heart. They keep me from knowing God. I have accepted some of these lies as truth.  They argue against God and His truth in me.

“God doesn’t have anytime for me. He is not interested in the real me” is just one of the lies I have accepted and embraced.  I believed God blessed others and would never bless me.  At best it seemed like I was a pawn in God’s little chess match on earth.

I believed this lie because of my own discouragement, pain and loss.

Yet Jesus says:

            I will never leave you or forsake you

            Whenever two or three of you gather together in my name I am with you

            The Father is sending you the comforter who will lead you and teach you in all wisdom

            Jesus is interceding for me daily at God’s throne

            Jesus called his disciples friends and I am his friend

            God calls me His child and His adopted son

            Jesus prays for me daily

            He has forgiven and forgives me

            He wants time with me

            Yes, He wants time with me

            Why does he want time with me

            To renew my mind

            To bless my life and expand it in every direction

            To teach me how to walk in the spiritual blessing I have already been given

            To teach me how to walk in the spirit with faith and wisdom

When I accepted the lies that said, “God didn’t car about me.” They fit my emotions. They seemed to fit the situation and I traded the real value of my allegiance for that “truth” which was a lie. 

I gave away my mind and heart for a lie, for counterfeit truth.

To identify counterfeit money tellers count, recount and handle lots of real money. The counterfeit bills are first recognized by touch, feel, impression, marking pen because there is something a little bit wrong with them.

Shifting from the worlds thinking, into God’s kingdom thinking requires lots of truth handling to expose the lies. Jesus said I should first look at the log in my own eye before looking at others.

My direction is to keep handling more truth until I know it. Then keep handling it till it renews my mind.  Then I will keep handling it, lifting up truth where it has been stolen.

There might be jobs in counterfeit detection but I am seeking life, peace and joy that are in the truth.